Irish Mothers

The Irish Mother is one of the greatest resources we have when we sustain a spinal injury. If you think back to when you had your accident, particularly if you were in your teens, your Mom’s role as career is re-established when you arrive in the Hospital. Very quickly after arriving in the hospital your mother’s maternal instincts kick in.

This is all very welcome and we probably abuse it as we did when we were younger. It is a very understandable reaction after having to deal with something as life changing as a spinal injury. The absolute fear that invades our very existence, the daily questions with either no answer, or worse, and answers we don’t want.

Your family becomes a daily resource that you feed off. We can get angry with them, no pretence is necessary and you can just be yourself. They become our punch bag, our cradle to cry in and a safe haven in the dark fear that invades our being.

At this stage you start to understandably become quite dependent on your mother, and naturally your Mom is a willing participant. However, there comes a time when we have to recognise that once again we must take responsibility for our life.

The difficulty arises when both of you have become entrenched in your new roles. Ask yourself, since returning home, how much do you let your mother do for you? It becomes so easy to let your mom make that cup of tea, or get you that book in your room.

Of course, maybe you were this way before your accident, but if you are honest with yourself and you can now see a pattern of dependency that was not there pre accident, and your level of injury is such that you are well capable of doing the tasks yourself, maybe it’s time to look at changing this.

Of course your Mom also has to take some responsibility for this stage of affairs. Your Mom has become comfortable at being needed, and while she may complain about having to run around after you, in reality, she has become comfortable with her role.

This is not a criticism of either you or your Mom; we all did it to some extent. But there comes a time when you have to start taking control of your life again. It is far too easy to just sit back.

And Irish Moms ask you, could your son or daughter do a little more for himself or herself? You are not doing them any favours running around after them.

I know what I am writing about, as I was that soldier.

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