The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiam in thesekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wll agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil ber resptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from mvords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of nkors be aplid to ozer kontaining "ou and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombnations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styyl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or fifikultis and evrivun vil fid it ezi to ununderstand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!
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