Revealed: the shocking truth of domestic abuse of disabled women

Revealed: the shocking truth of domestic abuse of disabled women

The abuse of disabled women is often unreported.
By John Baker
Published on Friday 26 August 2011 17:18

Deputy features editor John Baker spoke to a brave victim of domestic violence who has escaped her torment, and learned how two agencies want to know more about combating the problem.

DOMESTIC abuse affects one in four women in their lifetime, but very little is known about the effects and frequency of attacks on disabled women. What is known is this: disabled women are reportedly twice as likely as non-disabled women to experience domestic violence; are less likely to report it, and are more likely to experience it for longer before attempting to escape.

IT may be withholding or controlling benefits, or barring access to the bathroom or outside world. Sometimes it is threats of violence, or promises to exclude them from their family.

Because of their condition many disabled women who are abused are unable to speak out or escape from their perpetrators so endure their misery alone, the outside world unaware of their torment.

And because of the nature of the man who beats or abuses his partner he may see a disabled woman as an easy target, and continue the bullying, preventing her from seeing the very people in whom she can confide.

It is not always easy to find suitable refuge accommodation which has been fully adapted with disabled facilities and for provision of personal care.

DIAL Peterborough, the centre for free confidential and impartial advice for physically disabled people, their friends and families, have teamed up with Peterborough Women’s Aid to research the issue funded by the EHRC (European Human Rights Commission). They aim to reach out to disabled women across a range of different impairments including learning difficulties, mental health problems, and physical and sensory consitions to find out what other services are needed in the city.

Disabled women can fall through the gaps of service provision. Mainstream domestic abuse services may not have the resources to tackle the issue, while few organisations of or for disabled people consider domestic abuse to be part of their remit.

Peterborough Women’s Aid Service manager Tracy Foster said over the past year it had supported ten disabled women in the city who have been abused by their partner, including Sue (not her real name), whose story is revealed here (right).

But she said: “That number is quite low and I am sure this is not a true reflection – we don’t know what the true number is.

“Women in this position are often difficult to reach due to increased isolation, and we hope we will be able to support more women who are in need of our service in the future.”

The two agencies have produced a questionnaire, which they hope will be completed by interested parties by the end of September.

“Tracy said: “We have secured funding for the research, and this will inform us if we need more resources across the city.

“For example, of the 400 refuges available for victims of domestic violence only 138 have wheelchair access, and Peterborough is not one of them.”

“So depending on the results, putting wheelchair access in place may be high on the wish list.

Tracy added: “We know that men can be victims of domestic abuse, and that it can happen in same sex couples, however we are focusing on female victims for this research.

“In many ways it’s sad that our organisation is still even needed. We have been going since 1975 and domestic abuse still exists.

“Domestic abuse is on the increase in young people, particularly 16 to 19-year-olds. Young people are getting into relationships earlier but don’t understand the warning signs of abusive behaviour.

“Support from our Outreach service has trebled in demand, and we believe this is because more victims are coming forward because they are getting better support from the police, ourselves and the independent domestic abuse advocacy service.”

q If anyone is interested in completing the questionnaire, get in touch with DIAL or Peterborough Women’s Aid.

‘Get out, it doesn’t stop, and will only get worse’

SHE struggles through Peterborough with a crutch because of her disability – a permanent reminder of the brutality suffered at the hands of her ex-partner.

His sustained assaults caused injuries that will never leave, but his power was so domineering she suffered his attacks for more than a decade, terrified and physically incapable of leaving. Only now does she have the confidence and bravery to speak out about this monster, who managed to escape justice.

Resentment is still there, anger that a lack of evidence or conclusive proof that he is responsible for her disability means he is free. And while her physical bruising is gone the mental scarring remains.

Sue (40) was once a happy woman in her 20s looking forward to life with her new partner.

She said: “We met at a party and he was lovely at first, absolutely fine, he was a real charmer, and I fell in love with him”

“I got pregnant after five months and we were living together, and things were going well.

“But he started to change. He started going in my handbag and purse, started telling me what I could and couldn’t do. When I fell pregnant he felt he had control.

“After I had the baby the violence started.

“I forgot something from the shop once that he wanted, and offered to go back and get it. But before I could do that he started punching me. He was so big, more than six feet tall, and I am only 5ft 2ins. They were slow, hard blows.

“I couldn’t believe it. He stopped and told me it wouldn’t happen again, but it did. And it became more regular.

“Sometimes I would be knocked unconscious and he would stamp on me. I was moved from one side of the house to the other, dragged by my hair, thrown down the stairs. I was being hit three or four times a week.

“I had numerous black eyes, and broken ribs and fingers. At no time was I allowed to get treatment – the wounds had to heal themselves.

“I fell pregnant with child number two. He didn’t want it but I said I was keeping it – I thought it may change him. It didn’t. I had bruises all the way through the pregnancy, and I remember after one attack I couldn’t feel the baby move for three days. I thought it was dead. Then it jerked, and the relief was incredible.

“He would play the doting dad when we were out and about. He was a hypocrite. Once he saw a man hitting his wife on our street, and went out and confronted him.

“It was all about power, and control, and him doing what he wanted to me.

“Then, about seven years ago, I had a stroke. We can’t prove that all the times he hit me contributed, we’ll never know. I fell down, unconscious for a while, and damaged my leg very badly, but I wasn’t allowed to go to hospital. In the end, after about 48 hours where I couldn’t move, I went.

“I had surgery and my leg was reconstructed, but I had little movement down my left side. So I spent a year in a wheelchair while I recovered – and he continued to abuse me. He used to push the chair back and forward knowing I had a bad leg, or throw me out of it.

“And that January he pushed me out and left me in the garden for an hour, knowing I couldn’t get back in. I had no energy, nothing left, and it was freezing.

“I used to carry a mobile phone in my sock because I didn’t know what he would do next. He told me he was going to take me to the woods, force me to dig my own grave, and then pour lime over me to make me decompose.

“Or he would take me out to the back roads, make me get out of the car, and drive off. It was pitch black.

“He didn’t care whether the children were there or not, he would still hit me.

“But if I tried to leave it would get worse – and where would I go? Who would I go to? I wasn’t allowed to see my family, so mum and dad had no idea I was being abused.

“And I could barely get upstairs or get to the toilet, let alone go very far outside.

“It was terrifying but I had always said that one day I was going to leave, and I did, about two-and-a half years ago. I had prepared for it. I used to go the same way into town to get the bus every time, but on this day I took a different route, and just hid for a while.

“Then I got a taxi into town with a tenner I had stashed, and just fled. I was on crutches by now, sweating and terrified, going into shop doorways and hiding, and looking in windows, convinced he was after me.

“And then I made the phone call that saved my life, to my brother, who came to fetch me. I came to the Women’s Aid soon after, spoke to people from the domestic violence unit at Thorpe Wood. A solicitor was arranged for me.

“I did the Freedom Programme (for women who want to learn more about the reality of domestic violence and abuse) and had counselling every week.

“He was arrested but never charged – but the main thing was that I had left him. If not, I would be dead by now. I would say this to people in an abusive relationship: ‘Get out, it doesn’t stop, and will only get worse’.

“Picking up the phone is difficult. But if I can do this and get out, with only half of my body working, then anyone can. I hate him. He has made me disabled. I still look over my back when I’m in town and I know he is still after me, still looking for me, but the police are aware and would be here like a shot if he found me.

“The children have been badly affected. They are both in their teens now but have no self-esteem or confidence. You look at them and see they are lost, but are getting support. It’s still too early to think about another relationship, I still have no trust in people, but things have got better.

“The counselling is down to once a month. I still get flashbacks, and so do the children.

“To this day I can’t read anything or watch anything on TV about violence.

“I will live it for the rest of my life, but I know it was not my fault. And I love life now. I was never allowed to read anything. Now I read books, magazines, go swimming, and go shopping when and where I want. Now I can live